Anxiety Level Extreme

Hey guys.

So, I've been under a lot of stress the last few weeks.

1. There was psycho vet who wouldn't treat my dog because she "didn't like my attitude". (Heard from more than one person lately, that this vet acted unprofessionally, and one said unethically with their pets as well.)

2. Then I traveled 3 hrs away to a 24 hr vet... traveled 3hrs back the next morning, only to travel 6hrs to his old vet the same day.

3. my pup's hematocrits would not go down. (Should be 37 to 55%, he was in the 60's.) finally got them down to 56/57 which seems to be his norm... which led to worries of something wrong with his bone marrow.

4. X-rays showed irritation of the stomach and intestines and a black mass in his stomach which could have been a tumor, or a pocket of inflammation... so he had to have an endoscopic biopsy to see if it was cancer, or irritable bowel disease. The one thing that relaxed me was that the vet was seriously leaning towards IBD.

5. Spent $400 on the hotel one week, $400 on a hotel the next week, $440 on his X-rays, $250 on his biopsy, plus all the extras like food, a change of clothes I had to buy since I was there longer than expected, etc. Plus the $140 I owed the vet back home when I got my vet to do what psycho vet wouldn't... plus all of my normal bills. ($200, $104, $75 and $75.) So I'm as broke as one can get right now.

6. Biopsy results come in, and its what I was worried about. Thankfully there is no cancer... there is no long term effects of his bout of illness he gets as all of his cells and organs are functioning perfectly... BUT... (and this is one thing I was concerned about.) They don't have a definitive diagnosis. At the time of the biopsy he had been on the mend... so while there was some inflammation, there wasn't enough to diagnose IBD. There was still enough inflammation and symptoms of IBD to still LEAN that way. But the only way to definitively say for sure is to get a biopsy of his intestines, which they were not able to do during the endoscopic biopsy. It would have to be a more invasive surgical biopsy.

In the mean time, the vet is putting him on a medication for IBD called 'Flagyl"... and a special prescription hypoallergenic food. So if it is IBD and its caused by stress (and he is a high anxiety dog)... the Flagyl will keep everything inside working smoothly. If it's food related, the special diet should remove any of the allergens that can cause IBD. Only way to know is to be on it for a while and do another barium x-ray to see if the inflammation has gone down, or, wait to see if he has another bout of this illness. (which, can be 12 months from now as it seems to only happen 1x a year.)

So yeah, the biopsy results aren't what I wanted to hear. I was hoping for a more definitive, "this is IBD and here's the treatment." but at least it's not cancer, and in general, he's a healthy dog. What ever is causing this (Hopefully IBD) is not doing long term damage. (mostly because I get it treated right away. And perhaps it is IBD and this treatment will work. At least we have a game plan to try.

7. I gained 3 pounds in the 3weeks this has been going on. I've tried to stay on my diet as best I could despite being unprepared for a long out of town emergency... but I still gained. I didn't gain as bad as I thought I was going to.. but 3 pounds up still does not make me happy. I've been working hard today. I only had 1 big meal... and I did a lot of walking around today. Did some cleaning, walked or jogged around during commercial breaks, walked around when talking on the phone, tried to keep moving as much as I could. So we'll see if I can get this back on track.

8. My mom wants to cancel our June island vacation because she's worried about my dog. Which I don't blame her. Yeah it's a year between bouts usually, and yeah he's healthy otherwise, and yeah if it's IBD the meds and food should help... but what if we're on the island and he has a bout of his illness? there are no emergency vets on the island as far as I know, and we'd be stuck till morning to get a ferry back to the mainland. But then, what if he doesn't have another bout of it and we miss going on vacation... which would suck because I have an interview and investigation planned for a haunted theater on the island for the book I'm writing. But my dog's health does come first. So we don't know WHAT to do there.

9. Everything else in my life seems to be at a stand still. I joined Eharmony, Match, Speeddate, Christian Mingle and Catholic match... and have not found one man. Those who message me are over a decade too old, or are just not close to being on the radar of my type... and those who more what I'm looking for in a guy, who I wink at, are obviously not interested cause I never hear back. So I don't know. I feel like, 'what's wrong with me?' that I can't find ONE mutual match on 5 different dating sites. *Sigh* I even lowered my standards to include guys I wouldn't normally consider. It seems every guy is looking for a super model. Not one wants to consider someone whose on the heavier side. Even those who say they do, really don't. When they think of "curvy" and "a few extra pounds" they think of Tyra Banks whose curvy, and is a little thicker than the typical supermodel, but still has an amazing body.

10. My nail tech up and quit on me. (Grr Janet). She took a higher paying job, leaving me with really long acrylic nails in desperate need of filling or being taken off. The hair stylist's daughter is going to apprentice at her salon and take over for the nail girl... but... I'm cautious because her daughter is new, I don't know if she has any experience because I don't think she's college age... so I don't know. I'm willing to try anything once.

But yeah... as you can see, I'm just a mass of stress. Every muscle in my body is so tense, it physically hurts to walk. I'm absolutely miserable right now. Unfortunately, I don't want to say "It's got to get better from here cause it can't get any worse", cause I said that this afternoon, and shortly after some ancient guy almost backs into my car, before going on to almost cause another accident.

Anyway... sorry for venting ya'all. I promise I will get back on track with my diet stuff soon.

<3 Dee